Meet Sushila

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It was Feb 2023 when I went for my first ever mammogram, I remember receiving the letter and rolling my eyes thinking OMG I’m 50, its time for these tests!

Blissfully unaware of what was to come, I went to Asda car park mobile unit, had the scan and a week later I received a letter requesting further scans.

Long story short, I ended up being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, High Grade DCIS Stage 0.

I had no symptoms, no lumps, no bumps, in fact I felt healthy and fit! I’m a keen gym goer and like to think I eat a balanced diet. There was nothing that suggested something wasn't quite right...so I was grateful I went to my scan. Sadly, so many women do not go to these scans for fear of what they might find.

If I had taken this view then my consultant had said that in a few years’ time, with almost certainty, that this would have developed into full blown invasive cancer with a much more devastating impact.

So, I encourage all woman to please, please go for your scans. There is a reason they are being offered; early detection means you are dealing with a much simpler course of treatment.

How did I feel when I heard the C word?  I honestly can't remember; I felt the world spinning and of course the tears started. I felt like this wasn't happening to me, I just could not comprehend what the doctor had just told me.  Cancer? Me? It surely can’t be. I thought I had led a healthy lifestyle, why me? I wanted answers. For a while I was internally very angry, then the anger turned to frustration, asking, and searching for answers or reasons why my body had turned on me. I was constantly Googling, asking my Breast Care Nurse, even Chat GPT to find out what I had done wrong?  What should I do differently to prevent it coming back?  The nurse looked at me with such empathy and said, honestly sometimes it’s the body doing this to you, not what you are doing to your body.  Its unexplained, nobody in the medical world could tell me how it happened other than the usual lifestyle choices we are told to make that would minimise the risk.

Initially I was struggling to tell anyone and for some time I was ashamed that I had brought the "C" word into the family, I had let my family down with this news, it hurt.  

There were days I would stand in the shower and the word "dirty" would pop up as I tried to wash it away, knowing there was something in me that I didn't ask for or want.

It was only when I attended a Yoga/Wellness retreat, organised by MPT Lifestyle that I took the courage to share my story with total strangers and without feeling ashamed. This could have only happened with the help and support of an inspirational lady Tulsi Vagjiani providing me with a safe place for me to share the news together with the support of my sister, who has been behind me all the way.  It was only then that I began to let go of feeling ashamed and dirty and I began to accept the reality that this has had happened to me.  8 months on and after 10 mammograms, 2 biopsies, 2 surgeries, a week of radiotherapy I have come out the other end. Physically I managed through it quite well, mentally well that might take a little more time.  Even now I get bouts of emotion and the reality of what happened.  People all say the right thing "Think how lucky you were to have it caught early", "it could have been far worse", "it was only Stage 0, technically not even Cancer".  

Comparing myself to others didn't help me, it didn't change the experience of what I had to go through.

Whilst it helped put life into perspective, it just made me feel guilty to get emotional and thought I should just suck it up and be grateful.

I have now come to realise that it's ok to feel my emotions and own them. No matter how "small" my cancer was I now realise that if I am sad about it for no reason then its normal and perfectly ok to let those emotions come to the front and not push them away.

Unfortunately, it is a cloud that will hang over me as a reminder, but I know there will be times when I will forget that the cloud was ever there. I will continue to live life to the max, even more so now than ever before!

I share my story in the hope to encourage women to attend their regular scans and to be able to talk about it openly, I know so many Asian women that deal with it without really dealing with it. The stigma attached is still very real.

Sadly, in today's world, the statistics report 1 in 8 women will get diagnosed with Breast Cancer at some point in their lives. So, it is more common than we think and if we talk about it, we can learn to support each other in times when we feel so alone.

If anyone has been through the same and would like a chance to chat and discuss, please do reach out via MPT Lifestyle.

Keep smiling, stay healthy, stay active and live life to the fullest!

Sushila x